Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Bride making vows to groom - Andrea Calodolce Marriage Celebrant Sydney - Photo by Shirin Town

Want to write your own vows but don’t know where to start?

I believe your Vows are the most important (and most special and beautiful!) part of any marriage ceremony – they are the promises you want to pledge to each other for the rest of your life together. They are the words which reflect your dreams together, your love and your special connection. They are the words you will fall back on in years to come to remind you of the commitment you have made to each other. They are the foundation for your marriage.

No pressure right? For many, writing personal vows is a very daunting task. That’s where a good celebrant comes in.

Here are a few suggestions to help get you inspired…

Wedding Vows Date Night

Plan a special date night and spend some time beforehand writing down separately the following points:

  • What marriage means to you
  • What values/belief systems you want to instil in your marriage
  • What sort of wife/husband you want to be
  • Dreams you have for your future together
  • What you want to bring to your partnership to ensure it is the best it can be.

Then on your date night share each of your pieces of paper with each other. Here you have probably the most precious thing you will ever write. See how many points are the same and talk about which ones mean the most to you. Then narrow them down to the points that matter the most to you both and script them as promises to each other. I can help you at any stage along the way.

Surprise Vows

Keeping your vows a surprise from your partner can make for a really unique and special moment in your ceremony. The reaction on your partner’s face when they hear your beautiful words for the first time is priceless, both for you and your guests. Be sure the photographer knows to capture it on camera!

However, if you do decide to go with this approach, I recommend you set some guidelines, such as the approximate length (number of words), whether to include humour or not.

Saying that, don’t worry too much that each of your vows may have a different tone or talk about different elements of your relationship. Your vows reflect your personalities and your unique union, and therefore, will always be perfect.

If you do decide to go for the surprise option, I recommend sending your vows to me (separately) for review. That way, I can provide feedback if I think there is any great discrepancy in length, tone etc. and you can decide whether to revise (or not) without ruining the surprise.

Make a Promise

I find this list of promises can really help couples get the words flowing. Just choose the ones you like and personalise.

I promise to:

Love youChallenge you
Honour you and your beliefsComfort you in times of sadness
Cherish youCelebrate joy with you in times of luck and fortune
Adore youEarn your love
Be loyal to youHelp you bring your dreams to life
Be open and honest with youHold your hand and treasure your heart
Be your best friend and your lifelong companionAlways kiss you goodnight
Be your loverSpend the rest of my life with you
Be your partnerEnjoy the journey
Be your confidanteAlways believe in you
Listen to youHave faith in you and in us
Dream with youGrow old with you
Laugh with youLove you without reservation
Care for you and be cared for by youShare my fortune with you - good and bad
Never give up on us – or myselfShare the adventure of life with you
Always believe in our loveLove you as an equal
Open my heart to youShare my life with you
Respect youLove you as you are
Learn from youLove you for the person you are, not the person I want you to be

Read, Recite or Repeat

Once you have written your vows I will discuss with you whether you would like to

  1. Learn and recite your vows (for the brave!)
  2. Repeat your vows after me (only works for short 3-4 line vows)
  3. Read your vows (I provide them only a beautifully presented card for you to keep)


And remember, if you speak from the heart, whatever you choose will be perfect.


Photo: Shirin Town